Don’t forget!

Don’t forget to sign up for the Thai family reunion!

July 21-24, Chicago, IL

Deadline to register is June 1st.

We hope to see you there!

Housekeeping, leaving home and coming back

I finally got around to taking the password off the posts we wrote while in Thailand, in case anyone didn’t ask for a password at the time and is interested in reading about Pea’s first days with us.

Things here are moving along smoothly.  After almost 5 months at home with no overnight trips and no babysitters, we decided that Pea seemed remarkably comfortable in his new home and with us.  We thought he was ready to try a mini-vacation, so we took the boys to visit a not-quite-local kid’s museum and do some geocaching.  The trip would require a couple of nights at my parent’s home and a night in a hotel, but was also close enough to home that we could bail at any time if it was hard on Pea.

As soon as I started packing bags, Pea began to visibly shake with fear.  I realized my mistake at once and held him close – his little heart felt like it would beat out of his chest.  I told him we were all traveling as a family to do something fun, that we would stay together the whole time, and that we would come home together when we were done.  He stopped shaking instantly and smiled, then ran to grab his favorite stuffed animal, which he packed happily in our bag.  He really enjoyed the trip and we’re excited to make future travel plans with him.

I made Kyle climb that tree to retrieve a geocache - he is now their hero

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I’m amazed at how much he understands and how trusting he is.  He’s doing so well that I have to keep reminding myself that he arrived here October 28th.  With us, he hasn’t seen weather that doesn’t require a winter coat.  He hasn’t seen that our yard has green grass or flowers.  He hasn’t been to our local playground.  But he already loves storytime – when he sees the bag we cart books home with, he screams, “LIBRARY!”  He adores his playgroup friends and I often hear him chanting their names as he falls asleep.  He begs us for “snuggles” and “lap” all day long, and he laughs at nothing and everything pretty much constantly.  It almost feels like he’s been with us forever.

We’re registered…are you?

Our registration for the Thai Family Reunion in Chicago July 21-24 is in the mail.  Is yours?

You haven’t heard about it?  Well, you can learn more here.

We’ve come to know so many great families through our adoption experience, but many of them we only know on the Internet.  We’re looking forward to seeing everyone in person.

Huge kudos to Hannah for organizing the reunion.  Hannah, the registration is in the mail and we made our hotel reservation today.  Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

Mark your calendar, get registered, and we’ll see you in Chicago.  I promise, the snow will be gone by July.

-Kyle

Happy Birthday, Pea

Our first few months home after adopting Pea have gone fast and slow all at once.  Today, we celebrated Pea’s 2nd birthday.  He doesn’t understand the birthday thing yet so we kept it very simple.  Tea made him a card, I sewed him a crown, and Pea opened one of his presents – he loved it so much he never got around to the second.  Tomorrow his Nana will bake him a birthday pie, our family tradition.

Pea has been adjusting well to our family.  His transition has been much faster and smoother than his older brother’s was.  The difference may be a combination of his age, his personality, and the help of his big brother.  With memories of our first months with Tea in my head, it amazes me when Pea comes to me for comfort and snuggles.

His biggest challenge is communication.  He doesn’t seem interested in signing, but his constant chatter is nearly indecipherable except for useful words like “pickle”.  Compounding the problem is his propensity for responding to every statement with a serious nod or an “OK”.  He appears to understand much more than he actually does, which is sometimes hilarious, but mostly just frustrating for everyone.  ”Wait here while I throw in a load of laundry.” “OK. (as he wanders off)”  ”Please don’t put rice in your hair.” “OK. (as rice is rubbed into his scalp)”  ”Start mapping out a strategy for the day the robots take over.”  ”OK.”

I don’t feel like I fully know Pea yet, and my transition in the last few months has felt much harder than his appears to be, but it gets easier day by day.  I’m discovering his spunky personality and appreciate how quick he is to laugh.  He is enthralled with building and taking things apart.  He is curiously obsessed with lights, so much so that we lovingly call him our moth.  He rocks a dance party with a wicked frog-hop.  He can be entertained for an hour by a washcloth (and remove a lot of dust while he’s at it).  Rolling on the floor makes him belly-laugh.  He is quick to apologize when he hurts someone, offering a “Sorry” and gentle pats of his hands.  He adores his big brother above everyone else and copies everything he does.   And I marvel that he can sleep an entire night with his hands behind his head.  Happy Birthday, Sweetie.  Until recently, we’ve seen you grow only in pictures.  I am glad we are finally seeing it firsthand.

-Robin

newborn

1 year old

2 years old

The government thinks I need 3 kids

Yesterday in the mail, I received an appointment notice from US Citizenship and Immigration to get my fingerprints taken…for my “I600A Application for Advance Processing or Orphan Petition”.

Kyle is accusing me of (drinking too much wine and) starting a third adoption late at night while he was sleeping.  I’m trying to convince him I should get fingerprinted.  Just in case.  Since this seems like a freebie.

So here’s the poll question:

(edited to add:  no Thailand because an I600 is only good for non-Hague certified countries)

Sticker therapy?

I nearly posted this on the random-stuff-of-life blog I share with Courtney, but then I thought about it and decided it was sort of about an attachment-building game.  (But click over there.  Because she’s awesome and doesn’t bite.)

The contents of the art supplies box were scattered across the dining room table although neither Tea nor Pea have shown much interest in coloring.  They have, however, taken a shine to stickers.  Before I knew it, Pea had stuck 4 on his noggin and was reaching for more.  I’m sure there are reasons that putting sticker adhesive on your face is not advised, but he was having such fun that I just supervised so that no stickers blocked any orifices.

Do not laugh. This is a serious art project. Note the irony of the smiling faces plastered on my very serious expression. I am communicating my sadness.

Just kidding. This is sort of funny after all.

I’d always thought that Pea would be the one to copy Tea, but so far, the copying has been equal in both directions.  Tea was quick to put stickers on his face, too.

 

Not to be left out...

Round three started when Pea decided that all of the stickers on his face should be moved to my face.  This was actually a great game for him, because it required that he look at me.  We even made some eye contact.  And smiled.

I had to draw the line at stickers on the camera

 

Co-sleeping fail. For now.

We co-slept with Tea for more than a year (and then Kyle pseudo co-slept with him for the 90-bazillion months it took to inch the seeping bag out of his room – Kyle, you are my hero – will you marry me again?).  It was obvious that it helped Tea, and I think we enjoyed it too (on the nights that all of our bodies remained parallel in our too-small bed).

We fully intended to have the same sleeping arrangement for Pea since it had worked well for our family but…we have already moved Pea out of our bed, at least for now.  Nighttime started out half-way decent in Thailand and we got a fair amount of sleep in between the (totally expected and understandable) crying and grieving (Pea’s and mine).

Since we’ve been home Pea has become more and more hyper-vigilant during his sleep.  He gloms on to Kyle and stays alert to every small movement in the bed.  If one of us scratches a nose or wiggles a toe, he starts to cry.  This is different than his grieving, which is unmistakable, heartbreaking, and through which we always comfort him.  The grieving typically lasts an hour or less a night.  His other cries have been increasing to the point that Kyle has to sleep with his arms wrapped around Pea’s body to keep him from crying every 4 minutes all night long.  Literally.  And even then – mind the toe wiggle.  By 3am, he’s done falling back asleep after waking so many times, so Kyle gets up and puts him in the Ergo so Pea can sleep while Kyle does something useful like washing dishes (again, Kyle, I will marry you again!).  Add in the jet-lag we aren’t recovered from, and you’ve got 3 very cranky, very tired people.  The co-sleeping is not serving any of us well right now.

I noticed that at nap time yesterday, Pea slept perfectly well all by himself because Kyle was gone.  So last night we tried a new sleeping arrangement.  We made him a nest of blankets on the floor (on a clean dog bed – shhh….don’t tell the social workers).  While Kyle was out of sight, I tucked him in just next to our bed so I can reach him easily.  He was asleep in 3 minutes and woke crying only twice all night.  I think that he was more willing to go back to sleep because it was me and not his beloved Kyle who was comforting him.  I’m not so  desirable that he will beg to get in bed and snuggle with me.  I’m just comforting enough that he’ll relax and fall back asleep.

It’d be nice if, after we’re all recovered from jet-lag and settled, we could try co-sleeping again.  But last night I got the most delicious sleep, and I have to assume that Pea is better off getting some uninterrupted sleep as well.

This is just one example of the ways that kids experience adoption trauma differently.  Already we have seen so very many differences between how Tea and Pea have reacted to separation from their foster families.  So while we’ve done this before, we are having to adjust our strategies and try different tactics to help Pea.  So far, thankfully, Pea seems to be having a much easier transition in general.  I give Tea a lot of the credit, as he’s been an enormous help in bringing Pea out of his shell and making him laugh and smile with us.

-Robin

Pantip tips

View from Pantip Court balcony

If you’re coming to Bangkok, you might consider staying at Pantip Court.  If you’re adopting a child through Holt International, you’ll definitely be staying there.

We compiled some notes on Pantip Court and it’s surrounding neighborhood we thought some might find useful, since we know adoptive families will be staying here in the future.

The rooms at Pantip are spacious, but dated.  We had heard this from other people and found it correct.  I figured it was just some outdated furniture, which I can live with, but it’s more than that.  Mold buildup shows how long it’s been since the bathrooms and ventilation have had a thorough cleaning.  In one of our rooms the carpet was sticky.

Ask for an ironing board and iron if you need one, and they’ll be delivered to your room.  The “self service laundromat” their website speaks of is expensive (as is their hotel laundry service).  Self service laundry costs 240 baht per load.  We didn’t check out how big the washers were because we thought this was way too expensive for laundry we had to still do ourselves.  We walked a short distance to Lucky Laundry with a huge bag of clothes and paid only 105 baht to have them cleaned and folded for us – they charge by the kilo, and it costs more if you want clothes ironed.  (The closer laundry was charging something like 20 baht per piece, which was far more expensive.  Keep walking.)

We had a double room suite, to accommodate Robin’s parents.  It was nice to have some separate living spaces, and even have a room separate from the living area.

Some rooms had DVD players.  Our first did.  Our second (after the beach), did not.

Space-wise, it beats staying in a typical hotel room, where everything is in the same space.

The buffet breakfast was fine.  We didn’t eat any other meals there because they were expensive.

The pool and outdoor garden were a great asset for the kids.  It’s a small garden, but big enough the kids spent a lot of time out there blowing off steam.  There’s a fish pond and fountain.  The pool has a wading area for little ones.  The vegetation insulates you from the very busy Bangkok street nearby.

The staff was friendly and helpful.  Not to take anything from the Pantip staff, but we got the royal treatment everywhere we went in Thailand.  Perhaps we’re staying at the wrong hotels in the US?  Don’t let anyone in Thailand catch you hauling your own bags.  They’ll chase you down and carry them for you.

It’s also nice to have someone who speaks English to help with taxis.  Just talk to the door man, and he’ll call a taxi from the street for you and make sure the driver knows where they’re going.

Below is a map I put together to help navigate the neighborhood.  The red pinpoint is Pantip.  The rest mark restaurants, laundry, and a 7-11.  Click on each for a photo and more info.

View Larger Map

Everything you see on the map is within walking distance.  As with most of Bangkok, the roads are tough to navigate on foot.  Sidewalks are hard to come by.  You could walk to the nearby metro station, but it’s pretty dicey.  We did it a few times, and it wasn’t much fun, especially with kids.  The problem is it seems too close to take a taxi.  Pantip offers a shuttle, but we never tried it since they wanted a one hour advanced notice.  We took a few cabs from nearby Lumpini Park and the night bizaare back to Pantip, which cost us about 40 baht.  By the way, the taxi ride to the U.S. Embassy is usually just over 40 baht.  A 50 baht bill gets you one way with a nice tip…assuming traffic isn’t too ridiculous.

Some taxis weren’t familiar with Pantip.  For many, it seems the best way to describe the location is to give them the street (Sathorn Soi 1).  Once they find the street, you can tell them to turn when you get to Pantip Court.  The envelope the hotel key comes in also has an address written in Thai you can show taxi drivers if you keep it in your wallet.

If you’re considering a stay there and have any other questions, let us know.  We know how nice it is to know as much as you can about where you’re going before you get there

-Kyle

Planes, puddles, and Pea at home

Three different vehicles, two pairs of wet pants, and one day lasting 12 hours longer than it should.  That’s what it took to get us home.

We started our journey out of Thailand by checking into a hotel near the airport.  Our flight took off at 12:30 a.m.  The last time we took this flight, we left our hotel at check out time, which meant many unnecessary hours at the airport.  The extra hotel night was worth the money spent.  Even if none of us got much rest, at least we weren’t in an airport.  We got to the airport with the minimum wait needed to get on the plane.  Pea was enthralled with the mirrored ceilings at BKK.

Pea was enthralled with the mirrored ceilings at BKK airport. This is the only picture we took of the 6 of us together in Thailand.

 

Pea wanted to walk to the gate at BKK. Tea did not. This is the only day we used our stroller on the entire trip.

The first flight was quiet.  The boys mostly slept, but Robin and I slept much less, if at all.  Neither of us are very good at sleeping on planes.

The layover in Korea was long, but a welcome break from flying for the boys.  They got to burn off some energy and make some Korean friends at a nice play area near our gate.

The flight to Chicago is the one we feared.  It’s over 12 hours long and the boys were done using up their night’s sleep.

Most of the second flight went fine.  One exception included the wet pants Pea and I both received when he napped too long on my lap and overwhelmed his diaper.  This was my fault.  Luckily, super mom had extra pants for us, but knowing my safety net was used up, I was diligent the rest of the flight.

Pea did great on the plane.  He rode on my lap the whole time, which kept him happy.  I was willing to compromise on many things to make sure we could keep the peace while in the air.

Some other families with young children were having a tough flight.  I was grateful it was working out better for us, but I felt sympathy for them.  We’ve been there.  It’s not fun.  You’ll never hear us complain about babies on a plane.

The other exception was Tea, when we were about 2 hours away from landing.  His lack of sleep caught up with him and the remainder of the flight was a challenge. The challenge continued through the landing, meeting with immigration officials, waiting for our shuttle, and the bus ride.  The trip home ended with Tea riding from O’Hare to southern Wisconsin, sprawled out asleep on the bus floor after a monumental tantrum in which he refused to sit and denied being tired enough for a nap.

Traveling puts a lot of demands on a person because you give up your private life for many hours at a time.  You are in public, which means you have to be “on”.  Adults feel this drain as well, but we (usually) keep our composure.  I know exactly how Tea felt.

We were gone from home for a long time.  The stack of mail delivered the afternoon we arrived home was a foot tall.  I felt overwhelmed with tasks to complete, competing with my body’s desperate cry for rest.

I always try to power through the first day of jet lag.  I made it until about 6 p.m.  My family went to bed much earlier, figuring we would sleep when we’re tired and play when we’re awake and the jet lag will eventually go away.  I suppose that’s a more comfortable way to do it.

We all woke up around 1 a.m. and decided to give up the attempt at sleeping.  I went to the grocery store with Tea and received a few curious looks from shelf stockers wondering what a 3-year-old was doing at the grocery store at that hour.

Since then, we’ve been gradually making our way into a routine.

Pea is doing great.  His transition is going smoothly, to the point that we’ve had a few outings to try to compensate for the beautiful fall we missed out on in Wisconsin (and sunlight is supposed to help jet lag).  We’ve picked out some pumpkins and gone to the farmers’ market.  We’re grateful we got a taste of our favorite season, but the cold is a bit of a shocker for Pea.  Coming back to cold weather really emphasizes the changes Pea must be experiencing.  We realize we’ve changed nearly every aspect of his life, but the cold seems to emphasize the contrast.

Pea shivering his way through his first breakfast. We're discovering that his saucer-eyes only appear with new situations. This one could be called "What the heck is going on? I can't feel my fingers!"

Pea is adventurous about eating what we eat.  He’s particularly fond of the spicy cheese bread we bought at the farmers market.  He’s pretty easily distracted when we try to cut him off from food or toys he wants, but this morning’s attempt to end the spicy cheese bread binge was not going to succeed.

He met Punkin today, but is between ambivalent and scared.  This is good.  We thought he would be too comfortable with her.

Pea and Tea are also playing well together.  What’s best is watching them play “dance party”.  Pea definitely spent time dancing with his foster family because he knows what to do when he hears a funky beat.

Pea’s smiles and affection keep us hopeful that he will be a happy boy in our family.  He’s had moments where he’s clearly mourning his loses, but we hold him and he perseveres.

We have two strong and brave boys.

-Kyle

I would give anything for ruby slippers

Seriously.  Anything.

Our flight leaves after midnight tonight and it’s more than time to head home.  Tea is getting more disregulated by the second and I don’t think he (or, therefor, I) can stand to be away from our home routine any longer.  Pea continues to get more comfortable with us (well, Kyle), and is quite cheerful as long as we keep him drinking, eating, or playing with stacking cups.  He’s currently happily babbling next to me in the hotel bed we booked near the airport for a few hours of rest before the flight.  It sounded like a good idea at the time, but no one is sleeping.  At least we’re not at the airport.

If Kyle and I were kidless, I think we could stay in Thailand indefinitely (assuming we won the Thai lottery – there’s another drawing in a few days…), but it will be nice to get back home and into the normal routine of life again.  We miss our friends and family and dog.  I have to say I didn’t miss the food until Tea told me today he was going to “run to the store to buy donuts”.  My mouth started to water and I conceded that some food at home is, indeed, delicious.

It’s hard to believe we’re heading for 40 degree weather and Halloween.  I’m going to have culture shock.  I seriously dislike flights as long as we’re about to take, and Kyle and I are, to put it mildly, terrified, mostly because of Tea’s recent behavior.  I wish someone could knock me out for the next 36 hours and wake me when we’re back in Wisconsin.

Thanks everyone for your comments and well wishes.  It’s been wonderful to read them all.  Once we get home and settled, I think we’ll have a Thailand wrap-up post with photos we didn’t quite get around to uploading, and tips for other Holt families who will be staying at Pantip Court in the future.

Keep your fingers crossed for smooth flights.  I’m bringing armloads of earplugs for our neighbors.

The porters at Pantip Court were Tea’s best friends in Bangkok